SAY LIGHT BULB AGAIN!

say_light_bulb_again

Yes, that old adage about lamps versus light bulbs.  To be fair, they do kinda look like a bulb of some sort, like a rose bulb.  So, in essence, it’s almost complimentary, because people want them to be like flowers.  “Light bulb.”

That doesn’t excuse your ignorance, though.  

Lamps are things that produce light; you can argue that the fixture is a lamp.  That’s acceptable.  Bulb, on the other hand, refers to the glass envelope surrounding the filament in a lamp.

lamp

 

 

So, there you have it.  Even if you do a search on the internet, no one really gives a shit what we call it.  Did you know that?  Seriously.  Nobody but us cares, and the argument is so old that even Hipsters don’t give a shit anymore.

lamp-light-bulb

 

http://funnyasduck.net/post/37370

http://funnyasduck.net/post/37370

Just to make this post worth something more than a chuckle, I actually found a bit of text on a government website (energy.gov) about the invention of the “light bulb” and some of its idiosyncrasies:

Long before Thomas Edison patented — first in 1879 and then a year later in 1880 — and began commercializing his incandescent light bulb, British inventors were demonstrating that electric light was possible with the arc lamp. In 1835, the first constant electric light was demonstrated, and for the next 40 years, scientists around the world worked on the incandescent lamp, tinkering with the filament (the part of the bulb that produces light when heated by an electrical current) and the bulb’s atmosphere (whether air is vacuumed out of the bulb or it is filled with an inert gas to prevent the filament from oxidizing and burning out). These early bulbs had extremely short lifespans, were too expensive to produce or used too much energy.

When Edison and his researchers at Menlo Park came onto the lighting scene, they focused on improving the filament — first testing carbon, then platinum, before finally returning to a carbon filament. By October 1879, Edison’s team had produced a light bulb with a carbonized filament of uncoated cotton thread that could last for 14.5 hours. They continued to experiment with the filament until settling on one made from bamboo that gave Edison’s lamps a lifetime of up to 1,200 hours — this filament became the standard for the Edison bulb for the next 10 years. Edison also made other improvements to the light bulb, including creating a better vacuum pump to fully remove the air from the bulb and developing the Edison screw (what is now the standard socket fittings for light bulbs).

(Historical footnote: One can’t talk about the history of the light bulb without mentioning William Sawyer and Albon Man, who received a U.S. patent for the incandescent lamp, and Joseph Swan, who patented his light bulb in England. There was debate on whether Edison’s light bulb patents infringed on these other inventors’ patents. Eventually Edison’s U.S. lighting company merged with the Thomson-Houston Electric Company — the company making incandescent bulbs under the Sawyer-Man patent — to form General Electric, and Edison’s English lighting company merged with Joseph Swan’s company to form Ediswan in England.)

What makes Edison’s contribution to electric lighting so extraordinary is that he didn’t stop with improving the bulb — he developed a whole suite of inventions that made the use of light bulbs practical. Edison modeled his lighting technology on the existing gas lighting system. In 1882 with the Holborn Viaduct in London, he demonstrated that electricity could be distributed from a centrally located generator through a series of wires and tubes (also called conduits). Simultaneously, he focused on improving the generation of electricity, developing the first commercial power utility called the Pearl Street Station in lower Manhattan. And to track how much electricity each customer was using, Edison developed the first electric meter.

While Edison was working on the whole lighting system, other inventors were continuing to make small advances, improving the filament manufacturing process and the efficiency of the bulb. The next big change in the incandescent bulb came with the invention of the tungsten filament by European inventors in 1904. These new tungsten filament bulbs lasted longer and had a brighter light compared to the carbon filament bulbs. In 1913, Irving Langmuir figured out that placing an inert gas like nitrogen inside the bulb doubled its efficiency. Scientists continued to make improvements over the next 40 years that reduced the cost and increased the efficiency of the incandescent bulb. But by the 1950s, researchers still had only figured out how to convert about 10 percent of the energy the incandescent bulb used into light and began to focus their energy on other lighting solutions.

Have a great Friday!

Happy Canada Day, Mophos!

canada_day

My time in Canada was a good time, generally — and the people there, especially outside of the major cities, are as pleasant as the smell is sweet coming off of the prairies in Ontario.  As an American who married a Canadian, I say Happy Canada Day, Canadian friends and family!

Canadians are just like us, especially the ones who come down here to South Florida and drive like assholes.  You’re doing it right, snowbirds!  When you’re busy hating on our northerly neighbor, just remember this…  Canadians are just Americans who learned how to diet and exercise.  Happy Canada Day!

What is Canada Day, you ask?

Canada Day (French: Fête du Canada) is the national day of Canada, a federal statutory holiday celebrating the anniversary of the July 1, 1867, enactment of the British North America Act, 1867 (today called the Constitution Act, 1867), which united three colonies (New Brunswick, Nova Scotia and the United Province of Canada) into a single country called Canada within the British Empire.[1][2][3] Originally called Dominion Day (French: Le Jour de la Confédération), the holiday was renamed in 1982, the year the Canada Act was enacted, resulting in the patriation of the Constitution of Canada. Canada Day observances take place throughout Canada, as well as among Canadians internationally.

Here’s some feckin’ Canadian fireworks, eh?

This one is bad ass right here!

canadian-apology

 

A huge thanks to Family Fun Calgary for the cool photo, and thanks to Wikipedia for the Canada Day info!

Dennis Quaid Going All “Dopey the Dick” On the Crew is Fake

For all of you out there who have been on set with a serious sack of douches, like we’ve all been at one point or another… as much as I like the guy, I’m glad to hear that Dennis Quaid going full-speed Christian Bale on his crew is all Funny-or-Die bullshit.  I do so like Funny or Die.  I also like Dennis Quaid, which is why it’s awesome this was fake.

But…  a side consequence of this is now we’re all probably just that much more weary of trusting a frigging thing that happens on the internet.  All except for that Flo from Geico, I’m sure everyone trusts her.  Right, Flo?

geico-flo-RIGHT

Check it out.  My favorite part is the Dopey the Dick part…  from the Entertainment Weekly article:

The beginning of the video features actual footage of news anchors covering Quaid’s freakout, and then launches into a scene starring Quaid sitting at the same desk where he has his hissy fit. He soon starts yelling—and it turns out he insults he threw around in the “leaked” video are literal: “Dopey the Dick” is his name for a man dressed in a head-to-toe penis costume, “pussies” is what he calls a basket full of kittens, and he steps on actual horse poop when he exclaims “this is horsesh–!”

Winning.

More Electron Joke Porn – Mini and Micro

I’ll just leave this here.  I bet you need it.  More electron joke porn for your weekend.  Are you a nerd?  Good, you’ll love this.

Ready?

two-electrons
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time-sharing. One evening he arrived home just as the sun was crashing, and had parked his Motorola 68000 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in his garden. He thought to himself, “She looks user-friendly. I’ll see if she’d like an update tonight.”

Mini was her name. She was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL and a Prime mainframe architecture that set Micro’s peripherals networking all over the place.

He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit floating point processors and inquired, “How are you,
Honeywell?”

“Yes, I am well,” she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.

Micro settled for a straight line approximation. “I’m stand-alone tonight,” he said. “How about computing a vector to my base address? I’ll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset later on.” Mini ran a priority process for 2.6 milliseconds, then transmitted 8K. “I’ve been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I need to refresh my disks. I’ll park my machine cycle in your background and meet you inside.” She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her solenoids and thinking, “Wow, what a global variable. I wonder if she’d like my firmware?”

They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of fiche and chips and a bucket of Baudot. Mini was in conversational mode and expanded on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave occasional acknowledgements, although in reality he was analyzing the shortest and least critical path to her entry point. He finally settled on the old, Would-you-like-to-see-my-benchmark routine. But Mini was again one step ahead.

Suddenly she was up and stripping off her parity bits to reveal the full functionality of her operating system software. “Let’s get BASIC, you RAM,” she said. Micro was loaded by this stage, but his hardware policing module had a processor of its own and was in danger of overflowing its output buffer, a hangup that Micro had consulted his analyst about. “Core,” was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.

Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC and opened her divide filed to reveal her data set ready. He accessed his fully packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her CPU stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.

“No, no!” she cried, “You’re not shielded!”

“Reset, baby,” he replied, “I’ve been debugged.”

“But I haven’t got my current loop enabled, and I can’t support child
processes,” she protested.

“Don’t run away,” he said, “I’ll generate an interrupt.”

“No, that’s too error prone, and I can’t abort because of my design
philosophy.”

Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off. But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into his main supply, whereupon he fell over with a head crash and went to sleep.

Computers!” she thought, as she compiled herself, “All they think about is hex!

Yeah.  Again, Happy Saturday.

Electron Porn – The Sex Life of an Electron

It’s actually a long-time running joke in the Electronics industry, Richard Hart’s joke that has become slightly less than not-quite-famous, here in its entirety, for all of you dirty-minded fucks out there who work, live, and love in Light.

lost-an-electron

READY?!

The Sex Life of An Electron

One night when his charge was pretty high, Mirco-Farad decided to seek out a cute little coil to help his discharge.

He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle. They rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a magnetic field with flowing currents and frolicked in the sine waves.

Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amp’s characteristic curves, soon had her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to a minumum. He gently laid her at ground potential, raised her frequency, and lowered her reluctance.

With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it in her socket, connecting them in parallel. He slowly began short circuiting her resisitance shut while quickly raising her thermal conductance level to mill-spec. Fully excited, Milli-Amp mumbled “OHM…OHM…OHM!”

With his tube operating well into class C, and her field vibrating with his currently flow, a corona formed which instantly caused her shunt to overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly discharged and drained off every electron into her grid.

They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets until his magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength.

After wards, Milli-Amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids, and, with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to excite his field. Not ready to be quiescent, they spent the rest of the evening reversing polarity and blowing each other’s fuses.

You’re welcome.

Jim

 

This was found here, and I’m so glad I found it.

April Fools Dicks, by John Oliver

this-dick

John Oliver shares my thoughts on April Fools’ Day.  Get ready for some belly laughs — AND QUIT FUCKING APRIL FOOLS DAY PRANKING PEOPLE, YOU DICKS!

I kid.

…you dicks.

Pig+Release

A little programmer humor for this Friday afternoon…

Remember kids, never hit pig+release during a show, it releases all of your active playbacks.  No, this is not from my personal experience, but believe me, I have done lots of other stupid shit in my day.

pigrelease

SOCHI OUCHIE – Far Right Olympic Ring Afraid to Come Out of Russian Closet

Ok, it’s not funny.  Well, it’s kinda funny.  It would be less funny if Russia wasn’t generally a douche about things like human rights; you know, if, say, Canada’s rings had malfunctioned, everyone would be apologizing and Twitter would be afloat with comments like “ohh, sorry” instead of the ones that are up there right now, like ‘Oops. Malfunction! One of the massive Olympic doilies is broke. Someone must pay!’ and ‘£30Billion and they couldn’t even get the rings right!

Oh, Russia.

But seriously though Pootie Poot, don’t shoot a stage hand for this.

BBC-sochi-rings-2

BBC-sochi-rings-1

Sochi Olympics Opening Ceremony

OLY-2014-OPENING-CEREMONY

Sochi Olympics Opening Ceremony

2014 Winter Olympic Games - Opening Ceremony

2014 Winter Olympic Games - Opening Ceremony

OLY-2014-OPENING-CEREMONY

OLY-2014-OPENING-CEREMONY

Thanks BBC News, Metro UK!

…and for all of you people out there who would rather have the Sochi Ouchi read to you, I’ll let Christina Marie tell you allllll about it: